Well...

Last week I managed to get back on a normal sleeping schedule.

And now it is almost 2am. And I am wide awake. And I don't know why.

My knee is throbbing for no reason also. It has not done this since the whole immobilizer thing a few weeks ago. So I wrapped it for now. But I was planning on going to yoga in the morning-8 hours from now actually. But since I am doing the whole 'play it smart' thing, I won't go if it hurts. But there is no reason for it to hurt! I only stretched a little today and did some light weights. It's frustrating.

So much is right on in my life lately. I couldn't ask for anything else.

But there are some things that are just so totally not together. And most of what I am talking about is out of my control. BTW, I hate using that word-'control'-there is something about the word I don't like, but it's probably something deserving of its own entry. I hate it when I try to fix things and I can't. When I try to resolve issues and nothing changes. When I care but can't do anything else to make things right. It all comes down to control. The fact that I cannot fix everything, and it's not my responsibility to. Maybe I should be majoring in The Study of Superheroes instead of Human Wellness, Addiction (and Culture).

I miss my cousin. She's just too darn cute. She started pre-school this week. It's kind of humorous that she is most likely spending more time in a classroom then I am (though she would probably look at me and say as she always does "it's not funny"). I wonder what she will say about my hair when she sees me next. When it was black and she saw it for the first time, and first saw me, she pointed and shouted "Cousin Bethy's hair is black!" and she had to tell everyone. It was probably a had to be there kind of moment. But I am obviously ranting tonight and going on and on...

I have more.

I miss my brother. I'm not going to say anything else about this. If what I have put into words has not healed anything yet, I am not sure what will. I only hope.

Something just isn't right now in general. Something just doesn't feel 'right.' And I thought I had it figured out the other day, about scheduling and freedom, and I don't think that is all of it. There has to be more to it then that, since I still have this weird feeling. I know another part that may be contributing to it, but even that can't be the totality of it.

Because my body is telling me something is wrong. Something is out of balance. In many ways I feel extremely healthy and strong. But something just isn't right. And I hate that feeling. And I hate not knowing what that little thing is or may be.

I should probably throw in good news after all that serious jazz....

I am officially registered for all my classes, internship, and independent study-everything is on my schedule and no more waitlists. Holler ! I actually really really like my schedule this semester and everything academic-wise is all set to go smooth sailing.

My internship is pretty tight if I can say so. I see big things from this venture.

I ordered a bunch of books today like Prozac Nation, Scar Tissue, and a few others. Mostly memoirs. Good Stuff. About half-way through My Friend Leonard now and it's pretty awesome. I don't care if James Frey fabricates parts of his writing or not, the guy writes like no one else and gets major props in my book for that.

The only problem I get when reading these memoirs, is that I stop writing and working on my own manuscript as much. It's crazy. I get consumed by the other author and just can't think straight b/c all these new ideas and thoughts start going through my head. But I'll write this weekend. That will probably help clear a lot up anyway.

I just got a realllly nifty idea for a painting. Kinda retro-modern. All black canvas with a really faint grey/silver outline of my bike as the moon shines through my window onto it....hmmmmmmmmm